Posts Tagged transport

Indigestion

Metro’s Twitter feed must be one of the least digestible reads in Melbourne. I literally cannot recall a day since subscribing when there hasn’t been at least 2 or 3 tweets about delays on one or more train lines, usually due to a failure in some component of the transport network’s worn out infrastructure. Now we’ve the had the “morning from (transport) hell”, and if anyone’s surprised it won’t be the longsuffering commuters who subscribe to transport updates.

Now would be a very good time for Messrs Brumby and Pakula to come clean. Please, no more spin, fudging or blame shifting. Let’s have some straightforward transparent honesty. Something like “We admit that we and our predecessors, left and right, have failed to invest in public transport. It won’t be a quick fix, but if elected … ” Who knows, it might even win some votes on shock value.


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Myki money

I recognise it’s not common to confess to a criminal lifestyle through a letter to this most respectable of broadsheets. However as a regular user of Myki on a tram (an illegal activity, it seems), my fear of prosecution is minimal. For each time I brazenly offend by touching off, Myki accepts my money without question. So how about it, Myki? I’ll ‘fess up to my felonious conduct if you admit to benefitting from the proceeds of my crime.


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Pardon our regress

If Metro must rewrite their contract, I’m happy to serve as an English language consultant. Fortunately I won’t be requiring public transport during evenings next week. A Metro notice in The Age (29/4), oddly headed “progress”, informs me as follows:

“Due to track improvement works, buses will replace train services between Newport and Laverton stations after 7:30pm … [next week]. Train services will run express between Newport and Laverton, and stop all stations to Werribee.”
Shank’s pony may be a little slower, but at least you’d know what to expect.


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Myki music

The Comedy Festival could hardly be more timely. With a little creativity, even the Brumby government could still get Melbourne commuters chuckling .. and maybe even voting too.

I propose “Myki – The Musical”. To save a quid state cabinet members could sing the roles themselves. They’ve been so off key lately, no one would notice the mistakes. And at least we’d be entertained. Here are some seed thoughts to get things moving:
• Opening scene: John Brumby attempting to touch on, only to find his Myki account $350m in the red.
• enter Steve Bracks (guest appearance), Octopus card in one hand, Oyster card in the other, singing “We did it our way”.
• backdrop: a series of ghostly black and white video clips of Peter Batchelor, Lynne Kosky, Jean Ker Walsh and Claus Jensen (carrying a bulging money bag) – all played in an endless loop.
• closing scene: Martin Pakula tries to touch off, tries again, gives up, and uses a Metcard.

The show could be performed live at Fed Square, and beamed to screens on station platforms. A gold coin donation from every frustrated traveller should see Myki in the black. After the show we all have a good laugh. Then the premier buys drinks and brings back the connies.


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Locked out

If Myki is my key to Melbourne, then I need a locksmith urgently.


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Up the poll

Once again there are no winners in the perpetual blame-shifting merry-go-round of Melbourne public transport. If either the government or Metro’s executives are genuinely surprised at the system’s continued failure, then things are even grimmer than we thought.

But that’s not the only worry, if truth really matters. Mr Brumby’s blaming of the operator of the day for the inherent failures of the chronically neglected state-owned hardware, is nothing if not entirely predictable. But with such systemic obfuscation, the last thing we need is the kind of media hyperbole which claims that 69% of Age readers “believed Connex had run the train system better.” (The Age, 11/3) As it is, the value of these unvalidated tabloid-style “polls” is doubtful, and certainly not this paper’s finest contribution to public discourse. But a negative answer to the question “is Metro running a better rail system than Connex?” (Poll, 9/3) does not yield the above conclusion.

Whether a failure of basic logic, or just plain sloppy, please spare us such “insight”. Just two certainties remain: The travelling public are being played for mugs again, and truth is the casualty.


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Still in transit

So we’re going to get a more reliable system, more services and greater punctuality, with the same infrastructure, same public investment and Myki? Looking forward to it, John.


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More pedals

Public Transport Minister Lynne Kosky should think big when it comes to bikes. Everyone could be a winner here – commuters, the government, the health system, the environment .. maybe even Connex too. Don’t limit the public bike scheme to inner Melbourne. A bike station on every metropolitan train platform. Train late or cancelled? No worries; pedal power to the rescue. Swipe the Myki over the seat, and away you go. And if the train’s not running anyway, just use the tracks. Now how’s that for a saving on infrastructure? A bit bumpy, but you’ll soon get the hang of it. And you might lose a kilo or two from the vibrations. (And your nose won’t be buried in anyone’s armpit either). The level crossings could be challenge, but nothing a bit of coaching from the Beach Road hellriders won’t fix.
Yep, I reckon that’s it. A pedal-driven transport makeover.

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Better parking

Fewer cars on the Westgate? (The Age, 3/12) Brilliant! I won’t need to park quite so close to one in front.

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Foot in mouth

State Labor frontbencher Tim Pallas should have resisted the
temptation to score a political point in commenting (3/2) on the
current public transport crisis. The Bracks government may be
spending “$2 billion upgrading rail infrastructure”. But the
reference to “decades of neglect of the previous Liberal Governments”
is both illogical and unfortunate. Victoria has been governed by
Labor for 14 of the past 25 years. Foot in mouth, Tim?

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