Transport terror

Please Mr Batchelor, don’t change anything about our public transport system. Especially not before the games. It’s Melbourne’s strongest line of defense in the war on terror.

Unpredicatble timetables, signal faults, train cancellations, trams stuck in traffic, buses that never come, failed connections, uncooperative ticket machines, trains too full to board, mechanical breakdowns, frustrating delays, feral inspectors. And the sheer impossibility of coordinated rendezvous or planned excursions.

The terrorist bombers won’t have a hope.

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